During adolescence, young people naturally begin to establish their own identify. They distance themselves from their relationship with their parents and other authority figures, while still needing their love and support. And they attach themselves to people and things outside of their own families, by creating meaningful relationships with others, particularly their peers.

In a community of faith, youth between the ages of thirteen and nineteen often experience this attachment transition by questioning and critically challenging their childhood faith. This questioning usually includes views of God, the Bible, their church doctrines, their parent’s faith, standards, etc. Unfortunately, in response to this necessary process of distancing or detachment (see: Faith Development), parents and adults in the church often become defensive and critical of the adolescent. Such a response offers many adolescents a ready excuse to become detached from the church altogether.

Youth ministry seeks to provide a climate in which the process of faith maturity can take place, an atmosphere in which young people feel safe to ask questions, and a relationship which models and encourages their attachment to a meaningful, personal faith. Current studies in “attachment behavior” (often referred to popularly as “bonding”) suggest that the church can function like a spiritual parent. Church youth leaders, in particular, can nurture and care for young people through the time of these normal and to-be-expected struggles.

Five Characteristics of Attachment

1. The attached person (the adolescent) seeks proximity (closeness) to the caregiver (the church).
2. The spiritual caregiver provides nurture and protection (a haven of safety in which the adolescent comfortably can explore his or her faith).
3. The caregiver provides a sense of security (a secure base always there, always accepting).
4. The idea of separation (from the church) causes anxiety in the attached person.
5. Loss of the attachment figure (the caregiver) would cause grief in the attached person (the young person).  

Seven Ways to Keep Your Youth Attached

1. Take time to be with them.
2. Ask them questions about their homes, jobs and lives.
3. Involve them in church life and leadership.
4. Don’t express disapproval of their exterior expressions of detachment (even if you can’t stand them!), especially their choices of clothes, hairstyles, jewelry and music.
5. Look for the good in them.
6. Keep on hugging them and patting them on the back.
7. Attend their performances. Applaud their involvement.

From: ABZ’s of Adventist Youth Ministry
© 2000 John Hancock Center for Youth&Family Ministry
Permission to copy for use in the local congregation or group.