Chemical dependence and other addictive diseases reach with destructive power into the heart of many Christian families. Unprecedented numbers are suffering from the effects of alcoholism, workaholism, sexaholism, eating disorders, etc. Parents, pastors, and church leaders are concerned about ministering appropriately to these individuals.

It is now recognized that conservative Christian families are highly susceptible to dependency disorders. Their addictions are as devastating as alcoholism/but much more subtle and difficult to diagnose. And when addiction occurs in a family system, they predispose the next generations to addictive behavior as well.

If parents become preoccupied with drugs, food, gambling, work, sex, success, care giving, etc., their emotional availability to their family is minimized. They cannot nurture their family as they otherwise might. Their children are left emotionally hungry - codependent.

By definition, codependence is the pain in adulthood that comes from being wounded in childhood, and leads to a high probability of relationship problems and compulsive behavior. The wounded, codependent child feels left out, unimportant, worthless. Gradually, he disconnects from his own needs and feelings and abandons himself in favor of obsession with others (to his own detriment). He is more oriented to the reality of others than of his own reality. One expert calls codependence “the abandonment of self.”

Feelings of pain, shame, inadequacy, and rejection associated with lack of nurture in childhood prepare the adolescent to seek good feelings from sources outside himself.

Outside Sources Where Adolescents Seek Love

1. The right drug
2. The right job
3. A prestigious education
4. Nice clothes
5. Desirable friends
6. A devoted spouse or lover
7. More money
8. The right hairstyle
9. An effective diet
10. A perfect body image

Obviously, when anyone looks outside himself for identity meaning, or whatever he feels he is missing, there is in the substance or activity to which he looks, addictive potential. And the more effectively his” drug of choice” alters his feelings, the more addictive it is. People get addicted to relationships, to achievement, to work, to food, etc. They become involved with these substances and activities in an attempt to satisfy their unmet emotional needs.

But it doesn’t work, for two reasons: (1) addictive behavior has negative consequences, and (2) the addict or codependent’s needs are insatiable. As they say in Narcotics Anonymous, “One (drink or drug) is too many, and a thousand are never enough.”

Codependence is the social/ emotional/ spiritual pathology that occurs when children grow up in a family system characterized by high stress and low nurturance.

Four Categories of Candidates for Codependence

1. Anyone currently in close relationships with an addict or alcoholic.
2. Anyone with an addictive parent or grandparent -”- including all addictive disorders ranging from chemical dependence to workaholism, compulsive oven pending, sexaholism, and child abuse.
3. Anyone suffering significant childhood loss due to causes other than addiction - death, divorce, physical or emotional deprivation.
4. Anyone from an emotionally out-of-touch or rigid, repressive family background.  

Codependence may go unnoticed in a family system until physical illness or depression sets in and the codependent is forced to face his’ condition. Frequently, the problem is not recognized until one or more of the children manifest symptoms such as drug addiction, alcoholism, or sexual acting our and the family is forced to seek help. Seeking help is painful, but not shameful! It’s normal to have problems and okay to seek help!

Available treatments include outpatient therapy intensive inpatient care, and twelve-step programs. The prognosis for recovery is excellent if issues are faced and addressed therapeutically. The likelihood of recycling the disease into the next generation is also diminished.


From: ABZ’s of Adventist Youth Ministry
© 2000 John Hancock Center for Youth&Family Ministry
Permission to copy for use in the local congregation or group.